Why I Waited - Written and lived by BeSomeBodiesBlues

I wanna talk about virginity and why it’s something that is so frowned upon in dating culture.

So news flash, I am 24 years old and I lost my virginity 22 days before my 24th birthday. It’s nothing that I was holding on to for the sake of my innocents or saving it until the “lord told me it was time”. I am not religious by any means and thanks to my friends and the Internet, my innocents was broken a long time ago. No, my problem was my lack of confidence in the dating world; lack of confidence in both the people and what has become of that scene, as well as my lack of confidence in myself, my shyness, and just my over all unwillingness to settle for anything less then what I deserved.

I’m not the type of person to go out every night bar hopping looking for the latest lay of the week, and not that there’s a problem with that; to each his own. So there was no luck on that front of me stumbling into a bar, meeting the man of my dreams, or at least the closest things for that night, and hoping that he would be ok with the whole virgin thing. Because, spoiler alert, he won’t be.

My scene unfortunately was more for the less personal Internet dating sites, where it’s impossible to truly know who or what you are talking to on the other end and whether or not they actually have a personality. Most of my conversations, if they ever started, lasted about four text bubbles.

And sure, don’t get me wrong, it’s a two way street. If I really wanted to talk to him, I could have stepped up my game a little bit and continued the conversation. Forced some matter of interest to see if he was even worth my time. But to be honest I have been down that road before. The inbox gets full of half thought out conversations with no interest to put an effort in to get to know the person on the other side before wanting to get their dick wet.

And again, I’m sorry if this all sounds like a hit against people that like to live their life this way, or if it sounds like I’m accusing men as of the source of all my problems. But when you live your “romantic” life on the online and go through conversation after conversation, reintroducing yourself and your hobbies, your favorite color or your least favorite season, all just to get the same question that ends it all: “Are you a virgin?”... it gets old after a while.

Sure, I’ve had my fair share of offers and if I really wanted to I could have went to that guys house to “hang out”. Then what? Have sex with him, get not so much as a cuddle or a kiss goodbye afterwards, and never hear from him again. I wasn’t looking for love. I didn’t have to have sex with someone that I was going to be in love with and live the rest of my life with, but I wanted more than a one-night stand.

There’s just such a negative attitude when it comes to virginity in the dating world. I can’t tell you how many times I was asked if I was a virgin and when my answer was “yes” how quickly they ran in the opposite direction.

Perhaps it’s the pop culture references that paint virginity in a bad light with films like The 40-year-old Virgin and Wedding Crashers; the ladder of which playing on the idea that virgins fall in love with their first sexual partner, so obsessively that it’s a deal breaker and blinding of what, if any, true feelings are really there.

But for someone like myself, 24 years old, never been in a relationship, but clearly mature enough to realize what I want in life and what a true, healthy relationship should consist of; why was it so difficult to find someone else that wanted the same things and be okay with the whole virginity thing?

Even now, I feel like I have to justify myself to whoever is out there reading this. Like I have to convince you that I’m not some goody two shoes, or the sweet Virgin Mary in white; and that I don’t judge you for your own choices in life. If you lost your virginity at 15 or at 35, what difference does it make?

And yes for those of you wondering, the guy I lost my virginity to I met online. We didn’t kiss until our fourth date, and we didn’t sleep together until our sixth. We are still together too, nine months later.

When I first told him that I was a virgin, he wasn’t surprised. He had a feeling before I even told him, and when I did tell him he didn’t run in the opposite direction. He told me that there was no rush and he would wait for me to be ready. The strangest thing about all this to me is that fact that he is five years older then me and has been with plenty of girls before me. He’s not a player or something that would go out just looking to get laid, but I’m sure he wasn’t use to waiting so long for a girl to be comfortable enough to have sex with him. And one thing he told me I will always remember “I was once a virgin too and in that same place.”

So just remember that when you run into your next 23 year old virgin looking for someone to have a connection with before they get laid. Have a heart, make a connection, make them feel comfortable… you were once a virgin too.

Written by: BeSomebodiesBlues